Lately....

my life has been one big emotional rollercoaster. I have so many mixed emotions going on inside of me. Which none of them even show up on my face. I  have felt (sad, happy, jealous, angry, scared, stressed, rejected, misunderstood, left-out and lonely) I'll try to explain why I was feeling each of those emotions as best I can. 

Sad: Because there are so many good people dying that don't deserve to, also because my dad doesn't understand me and what I want in life. I feel the pain of the family members who have lost a loved one, because I too have lost someone near and dear to my heart.  My cousin Mario who passed away on August 5th 2012, I miss him dearly and always think about him, Everytime I hear about a death it takes me back to the day that we found out that he had died, the day that I have engraved in my heart forever which causes me to feel saddened at all times. 

Happy: Because I was able to pass my Medical Interpreter Certification Class through the University of Utah Hospital, which I'm also happy because I did not have to pay a single dime because the ladies from the Volunteer Service were gracious and kind enough to pay for it, because they value my work and dedicaiton that I have put into the Volunteer Services, the total since I first began is to about 450 hours and counting. :) 

Jealous: I have been feeling like this lately, which I find really weird because I really am not a jealous person, however, lately I have felt like this because I see how all my friends are happily married and having kids and getting engaged. I am so happy for them, even though sometimes I wonder if I will ever be at that point in my life. I also feel like this because I see the liberty that my friends and even family members have, when they go out with friends, or start dating guys, or even being able to travel to other places without having adult supervision. Or even with family members who are allowed to dance the night away, or dance with guys. Sometimes I just feel this way because I feel restrained to this house and family, with no freedom to hang out with friends, or even date guys or even talk to any guy for that matter.  

Angry: Because my dad doesn't understand who I am or even what I want for the rest of my life, and he even prohibits me from doing things. I also feel this way because he tells me what I have to and how I have to do it, so that it can be upto his standards. Or  because he made a decision for me and expects me to follow it without any kind of saying in it. I felt this way because I hated watching people lately who do not take advantage of everything they have, whether it is that they are permitted to work or receive scholarships but don't do it because of one stupid mistake after another. I also got this feeling when I heard on the news about how people doing stupid things and they are not getting the punishment they deserve (thinking mostly about the guy that killed all those persons at the Colorado Theatre Shooting, who the judge has decided to enter a no-gulty plea with the guy, even when the defense attorneys are saying no and acting really astonished.)

Scared: I have been feeling this way lately, because I have been thinking alot about my future. I always ask myself "where am I going to be 5 years from now?" "Will I be married, single, focused on my career, traveling the world, living with my parents, not dating at all?" Sometimes this causes me to always question my every movement and decision. I hate this feeling because it always makes me second guess my choices and thoughts. Even though I feel this way every day, I always tell myself to think day by day and not ahead.